Shedding Skin

Today I am 30 years old. I said good-bye to my twenties, and while I am in no way afraid of the privilege of growing older, it does warrant a moment for reflection. I entered my 20s as a young, eager girl ready for the world to give me its best and I exited as a slightly older woman (I cringe when I think of myself as 'WOMAN') who realizes that it's best to set your hopes in the hands of someone more powerful than this world can handle. I like to think of my twenties as shedding one skin while simultaneously stitching together another one, a new dress if you will, for my next ten years. The fabric tells the story of where I've been. These are the twenty most important pieces that wove to create my new skin...

1. I graduated college. Yes, I know. Good for me. However, I was the first in my family and I did it with honors. It was the very foundation for the dress I would end up wearing.

2. I bought my own car. I just went and did it myself and I remember my dad being so shocked that I could do that by myself. It was the first time I remember feeling independent.

3. I became a teacher. I am trusted with lives every day. It's the delicate parts of my new dress.

4. I lived alone. I signed the lease on my apartment myself, and I slept alone night after night. My fabric is stronger because I did.

5. I met the man of my dreams, and I married him. He's the reason my new dress sparkles.

6. I flew in an airplane. The first time was on my way to my wedding. It was letting go in more than one way. I smile every time I remember that.

7. I learned to ride a bike. It's this small little thing that most people learn to do at, say FIVE years old, but it showed me I could accomplish things that I had written off.

8. I bought a house. Another thing that people do every day, but it still takes my breathe away that I own a home. I am obviously in awe of everyday things.

9. I had a miscarriage. Yes, I know people shouldn't talk about that. However, it is woven into my fabric.

10. I gave birth to 2 healthy boys. Look at my kids and tell me God doesn't exist. I dare you. They are the golden thread of my new dress and every stitch is precious and perfectly designed for me.

11. I gave birth to one of those boys without pain meds. I just think it warrants its own mention. Some people do that on purpose; I did not. However, it did make me want to stop and shake the hand of every mother EVER. Giving birth is no joke, people.

12. I potty trained a kid. Without pain meds either. Potty training is no joke, people. 11 and 12 caused some major wrinkles in my new dress.

13. I buried my mother. The wear that this put in my fabric is undeniable. It shook me to the core and changed me from the inside. It is a wound that will never be healed.

14. I woke up after burying my mother. It was way harder than anyone told me it would be. It means having to put on the new dress when you just want to pull the covers over your head.

15. I experienced grace. God molded my fabric so that I learned I can only depend on Him. I didn't realize I was fighting this, but I wake up every day trying to do it His way and let go of my own designs.

16. I traveled. I had never been anywhere. Seeing what God has created outside of my four walls has provided bits of color into my fabric.

17. I opened my eyes to find that for every person intent on causing rips in my new dress, that God strategically put someone in my life there to help sew me up.

18. I forgave. It's the flow in my dress. Definitely wasn't there at the start of my twenties.

19. I prayed. A lot. It's the only reason my dress is still in one piece.

20. I learned the feeling of contentment. It's being happy with the dress you're wearing instead of eyeing the one your neighbor has on. It's one of my favorite parts about exiting my twenties.

I thank God for holding my hand through my twenties. I thank my sister and Mr. Jones for accepting this skin I'm in regardless of age. I can't wait to show off the dress that has taken me 30 years to piece together.